


Guidance

by graceimagining



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anbu Uzumaki Naruto, Blood and Gore, But also Naruto contains kinky possessive mulitudes, Dom/sub Undertones, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Light BDSM, M/M, Naruto is Just Naruto, POV Hatake Kakashi, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), power bottom uzumaki naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26386885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceimagining/pseuds/graceimagining
Summary: When Tsunade informs Kakashi of her decision to draft Naruto into ANBU, he recalls that ANBU cope and process their work in...unusual ways. He offers his unwavering support to his former student and the Savior of the World, a promise to be there for Naruto no matter what the need.Needless to say, he is profoundly under-prepared for those needs.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 94
Kudos: 310





	1. brace yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Une_fleur_ma_dit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Une_fleur_ma_dit/gifts).



The older generation of Konoha’s shinobi didn’t take ruined, toxic, totally fucked up beyond belief relationship dynamics personally. Not really. Contrary to the inherent human propensity for rumor about who was dating who, the general understanding was that most things “didn’t work out” because the whole point of screaming hateful things at each other was exactly to _work some things out_ and be on your merry fucking way. That, and fucking each other so hard both of you could at least wake up the next morning with some injuries that couldn’t be attributed to

‘achieving the mission objectives,’

‘an unexpected vulnerability in our defense,’

‘serving the people of the Land of Fire,’

And so on.

Maybe they’d never talk to each other off-duty again in their lives, maybe they’d scream obscenities and shinobi apartments would be set on fire in the middle of the night by seething ex-partners, but there was no hesitation they would die for each other on the battlefield.

(There had been a profound loss in more ways than one when the village lost Minato and Kushina; the dazzling Yellow Flash in a relationship with a loving spitfire kunoichi and they made it look so comfortable, almost easy—if one forgot nothing was ever easy in their way of life. Konoha hadn’t been prepared for the despair waiting behind their envy and admiration the night those two died.)

So the logics of ANBU sex in particular were fairly straightforward and intelligible in the mind of one Hatake Kakashi—or so he thought.

(But we’ll get back to this point at a later moment.)

In fact, he hadn’t thought about that world of ANBU much at all until the Godaime called him to her office one day. Tsunade had been granting Kakashi’s delays to succeed her, but regularly sought his counsel on one issue or another. The jounin, however, often felt like it was more an examination than a consultation.

“I want Naruto in ANBU,” the Konoha leader declared simply as soon as the door had closed.

“I… see,” he offered in response. He surprised himself with the hitch in his voice; his tone was uneven, nowhere near the usual lazy drawl.

She smirked, a half-hearted attempt at a consoling expression. “It is perfectly acceptable to struggle with this decision, Hatake.” It was dusk, and she stood up to gaze out the window as twilight descended upon the Hidden Leaf Village. Times like this, when he witnessed the quiet way she shouldered the burdens of Konoha, he felt a bit guilty for not being ready to rise to the role of Kage.

“Stop that,” and Kakashi blinked in surprise. “This village pushed you to meet the moment over and over again, despite your age. I don’t know if I would have made a different choice, but you must know it was absurd to make jounin at ten. To make you and Itachi ANBU at the ages you were. Or rather, it should be absurd.” She shook her head. “You have permission to take your time now. You can also always say no entirely.”

“Mou, I didn’t know your many years granted you telepathy in addition to your mature beauty, Hokage-sama.”

Tsunade rolled her eyes, folding her arms over her ample bosom and turned to look at him. “Always with a death wish, you,” she muttered under her breath. “It is time for your former student to face this stage of shinobi adulthood. You know this already. I still need to hear you name your hesitation.”

Kakashi winced; this really was an exam.

“I…” he started. “I don’t doubt Naruto’s ability to be…well, anything other than Naruto. He is shedding his brashness, his aversion to patience. We have so much to do and if I’m honest, it’s not like the thought has not crossed my mind how…useful his strength and skills are to critical missions we must accomplish in the next year if we want to maintain this peace. But—”

“You worry he hasn’t shed a life with his own two hands yet.”

Kakashi paused. The two imagined the scene: a tall, well-defined young man with a red ANBU tattoo on his shoulder, blond hair peeking from behind a frog mask, a shredded body at his feet, the slow gurgling of an exposed throat.

Finally, the former teacher of Team Seven shook his head. “He understands after everything that he’s been through, that life and death are not easily separated into good and bad. Naruto more than anyone will know when death is the only path to peace.”

Tsunade nodded. “And?”

Slowly, Kakashi breathed out a long and heavy sigh. Thought about that impish grin, the ways those bright blue eyes glinted in the light when the young man was determined to save the whole world. How they softened when he realized the whole world wanted to save him back.

“It is purely selfish, Hokage-sama. I do not want to lose any of the Naruto we have now. I am not quite ready to let that picture of him in my mind grow up.”

The woman’s smile was soft. “Yes. You must know, I am doing this partly to spare you the decision yourself. Many shinobi know what it’s like to always say goodbye to the ones they lose on the battlefield. But the constant goodbyes when you are old are different. All the ways you must say goodbye to those who keep you feeling youthful, because it is their turn to grow up.”

The silver-haired man said nothing.

“I offer you this information, Kakashi, as a gift and a responsibility. Naruto will not know that you know his ANBU status, of course. At first anyway. But do keep an eye on him. Guide him as you always have. Take part in this process as he becomes a new kind of man.”

“As you wish, Hokage-sama.”

“You’re dismissed, Hatake.”

He gave a deep bow before walking to the door. As he turned the knob, he paused. She noted this and looked at him expectantly. “Although I need more time, please know that I _will_ become the Rokudaime, Tsunade-dono. For selfish reasons.”

She raised a blond eyebrow in mild interest. “Selfish?”

“It must be by _my_ hand that he receives the hat and cloak of Hokage.”

While Tsunade seemed to appreciate his honest words, Kakashi left the office that night unsure he had said everything he needed to. There was still a pit in his stomach at the idea of his former student joining the ranks of Konoha’s most elite assassins and tactical teams.

If he believed so much in his former student’s moral resolve, why did he still feel so unsettled?

On the way home, he caught a whiff of jasmine in the breeze and then the memories came flooding back,

of being a thirteen year old boy, callously thrusting his arm through a soft, fleshy chest, the screech of birds somewhere out there, at some hazy distance—

the moment he ducked when Rhino’s gentle hand tried to ruffle his soft silver hair. The long pause. The persistence to continue forward anyway and say, “The first one’s always hard. You can talk to us—” but a young Kakashi had run off to slit the throats of three more enemy operatives, to make a point to all that silence around him.

He would not be seen as the weak link. They would never look at him like that again, he thought on that first mission.

He told the Yondaime outright his ANBU teammates were weak and such moments on a mission compromised the objectives.

And he had wanted to hiss when his teacher held that silence too, stared at him with those stupid eyes, that stupid clear blue gaze. Wanted to silence them all permanently, to never see those expressions of pity ever again.

On the way back from one mission, his team lured and locked him into a room with a beautiful, dark-haired woman, the tops of her pale breasts spilling out from a loose kimono the color of a summer sky at dusk.

And for a moment, she had almost allowed herself that same weakness in everyone else.

But near instantly she gathered herself and set a new expression on her face. “Come here,” she beckoned to him, coy and assured, some threat behind her words like he wasn’t one of the deadliest shinobi in the world.

A chill went up his spine. For reasons he had not understood, he obeyed and she pulled him into her lap. The scent of jasmine overwhelmed his keen nose. He couldn’t help but wince, but she didn’t change her expression.

“You don’t have to look so serious, handsome,” she whispered, cupping his cheek gently as she leaned in towards his ear, hot air spilling across his earlobe. “A word of advice, in fact. They’ll stop looking at you if you don’t.”

He couldn’t help but pull back and stare at her.

She grinned at him. “They told me you needed comfort. I see now what you truly want is distance. Let me teach you, my love,” and she leaned forward to kiss him through his mask, hands pulling up at his dark shirt. “Spend this one night with me and I’ll teach you how to disappear.”

And so Hatake Kakashi, the youngest ANBU, lost his virginity that night to a beautiful woman at the border of Wind Country, who whispered in his ear the ways to lure in a man and keep your heart at bay.

He did as he was told after that. Softened a bit when he felt their gaze. Felt pleasure spill across his neck when he saw how alarmed they were at his sheepish eye-smile, feigning an apologetic mood as he stood over gaping bodies, their flesh acrid, sizzling with the afterglow of lightning chakra.

He wouldn’t soften on their behalf completely until after the loss of Namikaze Minato; something about their collective mourning finally gave him the space he had always been craving. Perhaps they just stopped looking at him with such ugly pity because they were too wrapped up in their own grief.

After that his sex life took off, became a blur. He couldn’t say for sure but he had a suspicion that he developed a reputation in ANBU for being a respectable lay—both urgent and considerate, a presence that swallowed you whole in the moment and left you dispassionately as soon as said moment was over. If you showed any sign of attachment, any desire for lingering, he politely left you to find someone else to work your shit out with; thus, no one had anything particularly bad to say about Wolf in the Special Assassination and Tactical Squad. He was as neat and efficient in this aspect of shinobi life as he was in every other.

But these memories troubled him as he walked home from the Hokage’s office, as images of exposed, bloody flesh crisscrossed his mind in various contexts: assassination, post-mission handjob, assassination, assassination, lubeless assfucking in the dark, assassination, screaming while tightly bound, more screaming while tightly bound of a different sort, candlewax torture, rope burns, and so on. It wasn’t so much the behaviors, or the kinks, or the scars they left that concerned him. But he thought of Naruto’s abundance, the young man’s relentless desire to just _give_.

In a world that was purely about taking life, this scared the hell out of Kakashi.

So his mind was made up by the time his feet took him to the front door of an apartment. The light was on, to his relief, and his brisk knock on the door was met with a “Gimme a sec!”

And Naruto, beautiful and brilliant Naruto, opened the door with a beaming smile. “Kakashi-sensei!” The young man was wearing a black tee shirt and loose shorts, a bright white towel slung over his shoulders. Sometimes Kakashi was surprised he didn’t think of the blond’s father more often given their resemblance, but this impish grin, this effervescent spirit was unmistakably Naruto. And Kakashi was immersed in his purity of spirit, every single time. “I just got out the shower. Are you coming in? Should I make some tea? Did you eat? All I have is cup ramen, but I promise it’s only because I cooked all the vegetables like you taught me, sensei!”

The silver-haired man shook his head, smiling at Naruto’s overwhelming care. Squared his shoulders. “Not tonight. Just wanted to talk to you for a little bit before I headed home.”

“Oh, yeah, sure! What’s up?”

Those images flashed across his mind again, the bodies, the screaming. He knew Tsunade was right; it was time.

And he could not look at Naruto with any sense of pity.

Kakashi took a deep breath, and smiled gently at his former student, a man who had become one of the most formidable fighters in the entire world. “I just want you to know you can lean on me. When you need to.”

“Hm? Sensei?” The blond tilted his head but Kakashi could tell the younger man’s blue eyes were honing in, becoming more focused.

“When the time comes. When things are harder than they’ve ever been before. I want you to know—”

“—that I should let you carry me like I have before?”

Kakashi blinked. The knowing smile on Naruto made the older man suddenly feel shy and embarrassed, although he had come with such resolve to this doorway. The younger man’s whisker marks were increasingly drawn tighter across sharp cheekbones, and his eyes sparkled mischievously under that messy, still-damp head of blond hair. His arms were crossed over his body, and the definition of his forearms was notable even in the moonlight. Kakashi was suddenly, acutely aware of how this person before him was truly becoming a man.

“Aa…yes, essentially.”

The jinchuuriki gave a thumbs up and a cheeky grin. “Roger! I’ll come to you, sensei, I promise.”

A gloved hand reached out to lightly ruffle that damp head of golden locks before he even consciously realized it, just off the left side of Naruto’s head. The younger man grinned and nuzzled his former teacher’s palm, his expression just as gleefully content as when Kakashi did the same thing for any of his ninken.

And in that precious, perfect moment, Kakashi allowed himself to feel that rush course through his body, a shock of lightning, pure, unadulterated

_affection._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling stuck on the other fic I've been working on, but this one has made some decent progress so I figure I'd throw it online. Had been interested, a few months back, in thinking about how shinobi of an elite tier are probably a little more messed up than Kishimoto would want to admit. Wanted to think about a Naruto who surpasses so many expectations of the shinobi world but also cannot transcend everything in a single generation, and to think about a Naruto who grows up into his own kind of man.
> 
> Should be fairly short, like 3 or 4 chapters, depending on how much sex these two want to have. *coughs* Super grateful to une_fleur_ma_dit for the diligent support of my writing, and being such a wonderful thought partner for this fic.
> 
> I am always extremely grateful for comments of any kind, and I look forward to sharing these next few chapters with you! Should be completed fairly soon.


	2. with the winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi isn't even sure Naruto's actually joined ANBU, but things go a bit wrong, Sakura needs to yell at everyone, and Naruto's around to pick up some pieces.

Months passed and nothing seemed to change. Kakashi was starting to wonder if Tsunade had even designated Naruto as ANBU or if she had changed her mind and delayed the recruitment. Despite their regular check-ins, he didn’t feel it necessary to ask. She had given him an in; the rest was up to him.

He tried not to see Naruto more than he had before, to not show unnecessary concern, to not seem like he didn’t trust that Naruto could handle it. But he accepted politely when the young man asked to spar, eat with Iruka, or check in on Sakura together at the hospital, bringing her dango and pulling her away from her tendency to overwork.

There was some slight surprise that Naruto had yet to launch himself at Kakashi, screaming his new status from the top of his lungs, letting all of Konoha—and by extension, the shinobi world—know he was now part of the Konoha’s elite class of shinobi. Of course, Tsunade wouldn’t have deemed him ready had that been the reaction, but then the surprise was that Naruto had become this kind of man: at turns the same ray of sunshine and unpredictable, uncontrollable ball of joyful stupid; at others a focused leader who knew how to curate the dynamics of those around him, deliberately charming and increasingly cunning. His fox whiskers nowadays were a warning to those in his way that he would find some way to outwit you for his own gain. The world was lucky Naruto’s sole gain was to gain and protect his precious people.

Kakashi had also asked Yamato to leverage connections with current ANBU to see if they could get critical updates on the blond if necessary, but no one had anything of concern to report. Rumors at the borders of the world came trickling back to Konohagakure of mercenaries having their supply lines of weapons trafficking interrupted. Missing-nin of great power continued to defect from rogue groups to seek repentance and refuge in shinobi villages. Coup d’etats were exposed and extinguished the moment they became whispers of plans between conniving shinobi bent on exploiting a new, precarious era. Between rumors and intel Tsunade shared with him, Kakashi could only suspect that his former student had a hand in some of these small but seismic shifts.

Kakashi attended to the occasional mission Tsunade tasked him with, usually a diplomatic endeavor wherein he represented the interests of the Hokage and practiced tactical negotiation. It wasn’t particularly stealthy work anymore, but given that everyone knew he was her intended successor, the Copy-nin was always alert for any kidnappers or assassins, mercenaries on assignment from people looking to benefit from the fragile peace the Kage were stitching together, day by day.

But one mission…well, to put it lightly, went horribly awry. Oversights Kakashi and his team had overlooked one by one had accumulated and suddenly, all the silver-haired jounin knew of the world was warped, undone. Somewhere in Earth Country, Kakashi had begun to surmise that a new appointment to the Tsuchikage seemed off, despite all the power he had flaunted over dinner. His nose didn’t detect anything in the tea or food offered, but something didn’t feel right.

They caught him in idle chitchat as he walked a lord’s daughter back to her residence, per request of the daimyo.

He had caught the first two senbon thrown at him as he walked back to his quarters, missed the third one as he was trying to disarm a shadowy presence that came at the young miss he was accompanying. The poison must have been incredibly potent—he passed out before he even hit the ground.

They kept him drugged and in the literal dark, somewhere faintly humid. Perhaps a basement, or a tunnel? A cave? But even then he barely could string together full thoughts, his mind warped from poisons and emptiness. They made him hurt, of course. Tortured him, electric shocks he supposed were revenge for his own infamous Chidori, but they were clearly amateurs, their successful kidnapping a complete fluke, not particularly smart about the torture—his altered, poisoned state dulled all pains.

Besides, shouldn’t they have surmised by now that a ninja of Kakashi’s caliber liked it rough?

Sometimes he thought he heard questions, loud yelling, but again he had to laugh at how futile their efforts were if they were trying to interrogate him. The drugs were just that good, everything constantly shifting in and out of focus, an echoing warbling in his mind. All he could taste was the metallic sting of blood in his mouth.

Until one day (hour? week?), he was unceremoniously dropped from his restraints to the ground, caught by a strong pair of arms, and he perhaps imagined he saw a porcelain frog-faced mask. Smelled that distinctive scent he had grown accustomed to, of sun-warmed clay and toasted seaweed. Heard a crushed “-sensei…” before he succumbed to darkness, and relief.

When he came to, a tight-lipped Sakura informed him he’d been out for a week and that he’d been captured for about as much time. She was going to take another blood sample, she said smoothly, because the Hokage had asked for a second lab reading—Kakashi had been captured because the assailants had some poisons expert on their team; he was right to not have been able to detect anything dangerous in his food or drink, but Sakura had suspected that there must have an undetectable quantity that when compounded with the poison from the senbon, catalyzing a devastating reaction on his nervous system.

“If you remember any sensation of a genjutsu or fuuinjutsu though, please tell me immediately, sensei. Otherwise this is all I have to go on.”

He nodded, quietly marveling at his former student and her talents.

Tsunade stopped by his hospital bed to inform him that the Tsuchikage had offered his deepest regrets and promised complete capture and retribution of the mercenaries who had attacked the future Hokage in Earth Country. Iwa had also agreed to Tsunade’s request to the Fire Daimyo for two months of sanctions. Diplomatic promises could only go so far, and endangering the future of a shinobi village was no small matter. It would hurt them economically, but Konoha would be there to pick up the pieces once the dust had settled and the mercenaries dealt with.

“I wonder if I should send more security detail with you nowadays, Kakashi,” Tsunade wondered aloud but chuckled when she saw the jounin shake his head. “I agree. It does seem like a one-off fluke. Not your style in any case.”

“No, but I thank you for your care, Hokage-sama. If this happens again, I’m unqualified to take your place.”

“I suppose that’s true. Well. I’ll leave you to drink your soup and get some rest, Hatake.” She turned, but paused. “Unless there’s anything else you needed to know?”

Kakashi fidgeted in his hospital bed, suddenly aware of the fatigue in his muscles, the toll the drugs had had on his body, the sweat gathering at the nape of his neck. “Maa…perhaps it’s nothing, but…”

“Naruto?”

The man felt a strange heat across his cheeks. “Just a feeling he might have been involved in ah, rescuing me.”

The busty woman pressed her fingers to her temples, massaging them gently. “He was dispatched immediately to another mission. I’m sure he’ll check in when he’s back, although that may not be for another week, at least.”

He looked down at his miso soup. “I see.”

So he passed his time at the hospital quietly, watching his pink-haired former student yell at the new residents and yell at stubborn new shinobi who weren’t being properly honest about their wounds (one even pissed himself, but no one could say they would act otherwise under the kunoichi’s terrifying gaze). By the third day he was well enough to take slow walks around the hospital hallways, and by the end of the week Sakura determined he was well enough to finish resting at home.

“Don’t push yourself or I’ll rip your eye back out,” she said coolly as he gathered his belongings. Chills ran down his spine.

Weakly he smiled at her from behind the mask, “Maa, Sakura-chan, I’ll always follow your guidance…”

“And don’t make Naruto worry like that ever again or it’ll be your eye and your balls.”

A choked sound escaped Kakashi, and he dropped his pack. “Uh, what uh, exactly do you mean…?”

She waited until his gaze met hers, and a chilling terror struck him as he confronted the cool rage in her bright green eyes. “Naruto’s already lost you once. I’m glad you didn’t have to see the look on his face when he brought you back to Konoha. I don’t know what else happened on the retrieval mission, but he…” she looked away. “Make sure you check in on him when he returns.”

“I will. I promise.”

When she finally permitted herself to cry, she also accepted a space against his chest, as he tenderly placed his hand on her head, feeling his shirt grow wet with her tears. She never said it out loud, but he heard the  _ don’t make me worry like that ever again _ loud and clear.

Another week passed in relative silence, and Kakashi took his recovery seriously as he had promised his former student(s). He was unsure if he should be worried that Naruto hadn’t returned yet, when Tsunade had said it would be a week at the earliest. He pinged Tenzou for some information, but no one in ANBU volunteered any information. So Kakashi took long walks around the village, increased his workout and ninjutsu routine day by day, and waited.

It was midautumn now, and the maples leaves turned bright red. The air was crisp and clear, and Kakashi felt every bit of it in his lungs the day Naruto was waiting for him outside his apartment in the early morning. The young man dressed casually, albeit more stylishly than he did in his youth. Naruto sported slim, black calf-length joggers and a black bomber jacket with large orange geometric patterns on the sleeves, a navy shirt peeking from underneath that matched his white and navy shoes.

_ How cruel the wind _ , Kakashi thought ruefully, to pass by and make Naruto’s golden hair look so good in the autumn sunlight.

Immediately he felt hands on his arms and then his face as the younger man inspected him for any sign of harm. “Good morning, Naruto-kun,” he attempted, surprised that it came out like a low murmur. His chest was warm and tight. Briefly a memory flashed in his mind, of telling Naruto “good morning” that time he nearly killed himself to save the village from Hiruko. The relief in the blond’s face looked just the same, but now he also noticed a strained expression, as if he was suppressing the decision to not slug the older man right then and there.

A searching gaze met his, and Kakashi could feel his heart beat even faster. “You’re not still hurt?”

“Nothing Sakura couldn’t fix. And I did nothing to make her decide I wasn’t worth fixing.”

Relief filled the air as the tension in Naruto’s shoulders dissipated. The blond chuckled, and his eyes crinkled. “Naa, good work, sensei!”

“Have you been back long?”

“Last night. It was too late to come check in on you. But I woke up early and figured I’d wait for you.”

“Stalker.”

“Who said I was a stalker?!”

“I did,” the jounin chirped. “Isn’t that why I’m back here safe and sound?”

Blond brows raised in surprise. “You remembered?”

“An educated guess, even when I was extremely poisoned.” Kakashi brought his gloved hand to Naruto’s head, and instinctively, just like last time, Naruto leaned into it with a relaxed smile on his face. “Thank you, Naruto.”

“I didn’t do it alone, so I’ll tell the whole team. But you can buy me lunch if you’re really feeling grateful!”

Kakashi shook his head. “The same as ever. Ramen?”

Naruto hummed in delight.

After many bowls of ramen, Naruto accompanied Kakashi for his afternoon walk around the shinobi village. Truth be told, Kakashi was feeling better than he had expected—perhaps he was underestimating his chakra reserves and overestimating the impact of his old age, but he couldn’t help but feel the weight of his years as the sunshine blond next to him practically crackled with youthfulness, something even Gai couldn’t match.

“You’re staring, Naruto.”

The younger man laughed sheepishly. “Ah, am I? Sorry, sensei.”

“Out with it now,” Kakashi coaxed. “The day is only so long.” But when Naruto said nothing, Kakashi didn’t prod any further. They walked in silence for a few more minutes. Finally, the blue-eyed jinchuuriki inhaled deeply.

“Have you known I’ve been in ANBU?”

“Tsunade-sama had informed me of her decision to draft you, yes.”

“I…see. You didn’t say anything.” Again, Kakashi felt those blue eyes on him, serious and searching, but he didn’t meet that gaze, instead turning his attention to the clouds crawling across the afternoon sky, a blue he felt more comfortable meeting. He didn’t know when Naruto began to have this unsettling effect on him. That burst of affection he felt for the golden-haired man that night he first told Naruto to lean on him had been ever-present, but increasingly Kakashi felt himself grow soft and supple too easily under that clear blue gaze. Naruto continued, “But that’s why you came by my house that night, huh? Telling me I could lean on you.”

They had reached the waterfalls where once a younger Naruto had earnestly practiced changing his chakra nature, to eventually develop one of the most powerful S-rank jutsu Kakashi had ever seen. It was obvious Naruto as well was caught up in a bit of nostalgia, staring at the waterfall. Kakashi had a hard time reconciling this tall, almost  _ elegant _ young man with the clumsy kid he had been just a short while ago, struggling across dozens of shadow clones to perfect a chakra technique. “You fell on my back here, too. After you finally split a leaf with your chakra. I suppose it was about time I fell on you, out in that cave in Tsuchi no Kuni.” Kakashi laughed lightly. “I’ll try not to do it so often when I’m Hokage.”

“Kakashi-sensei.”

“Mm?”

“Did you…deal, with everything the way the others do in ANBU?”

Before he could help himself, he searched for any visible difference in his former student, any discomfort, any…shift. “What do you mean?” The memories pulsed in the back of his mind, surfacing and then disappearing again, outstretched hands from the darkness.

“Saa, well. Maybe I started in the wrong place, heh.” Naruto furrowed his brows, struggling to find the words. “It was. Um. ANBU has been good for me. Baa-chan’s been careful to put me on missions that are pushing me in ways I need to grow. Stealth. Strategy. Sometimes they send people to me first instead of Torture and Interrogation, so those are kind of cool because apparently I’m pretty good at scaring people—"

“Oh yes, I’m positively  _ terrified  _ of you—”

“Shaddup, sensei. Anyway, there have been a few recon missions with the potential of assassination—”

Kakashi couldn’t help the sharp intake of air.

“Ah, but you know it’s not like that! I’m kinda lucky actually; most missions have gone pretty well, even the one where we rescued you. I wonder if the old lady sends me because she actually doesn’t want unnecessary loss of life. But uh…well, the truth is, when she sent us to rescue you, I…when I saw you, hanging there, your whole body covered in blood, I—” Naruto’s voice cracked, but he persisted. “it was the first time I felt like I was about to lose control. Not like when I used to lose to Kyuubi. But something else. It was scary.”

“Rage. Bloodlust.” Kakashi’s hands suddenly felt warm underneath the thick fabric of his gloves. Like they were drenched in blood, just plunged into a gaping chest, the rank odor of charred flesh overwhelming his sensitive nose.

“Yeah,” Naruto said breathlessly. “And if I’m honest, I’ve felt it from other people before but it feels different when you’re on an ANBU team. Like I know we’re not Akatsuki but it’s hard to say it doesn’t feel the same. Like it’d be so easy, playing with their food the way the street cats in the village do. And I watch teammates look like they want to give in. But then…they don’t. At least not on the mission.”

Kakashi could hardly hear at this point, his heart pounding between his ears. He couldn’t quite explain why, but those memories from the first time Tsunade told him about Naruto’s entry in ANBU surfaced again.

Before he could stop himself, visions flashed across his sight—an exposed hand pulling back Naruto’s golden hair, hard, teeth nipping at his neck. He shuddered, and that age-old killing intent Naruto had just been talking about flashed white through his body, a strange horror filling him as he realized he wanted his teeth to graze across that tanned jugular.

He swallowed thickly, and took a deep breath before speaking. “Naruto…do you know what ANBU often do after missions? Have they, uh…invited you? To drinking, or hunts, or has anyone…?” Kakashi wanted to kick himself. Why was he even asking? What business of it was his to know?

So he doubled back. “I mean…you don’t have to say anything. Many things in the shinobi world are unusual, and the deeper you are in the shadows, the more those things become normal. Just…move. Raw instinct. That’s how you survive in ANBU, both on and off-mission.”

“Sensei, you said I could lean on you, right?”

Without hesitation

( _ with instinct _ ),

Kakashi responded, “Any time. For anything.”

He felt his face flush darkly at that small smile on Naruto’s face. “Then I’ll be okay, dattebayo. ANBU senpai are all kinda weird, and sometimes I catch them doing weird things, but sometimes I’m sad for them because I don’t think they ever had someone to depend on the way I can with you, Kakashi-sensei.”

There was a faint, odd expression on Naruto’s face, but there was really nothing Kakashi could say to that, so he pretended he was not wrestling with a turmoil of guilt under the surface, the immediate impulse to deny that and say he’d never been very good at being dependable for anyone; didn’t he warn people that when he showed up late over and over again? And what if Naruto was responding to ANBU the same way that woman in Wind Country had taught him all those years ago, to deflect pity and concern with softness and nonchalance? What if he was messing up again in being there for his former student?

But Naruto took one of his gloved hands in both of his. Asked if they could play with the ninken for the rest of the afternoon with an unabashed expression, an earnestness he knew to be unmistakably Uzumaki.

Kakashi swallowed his feelings. He nodded. And he had to accept.

That this had to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's a bit slow and we're transitioning to some of the wider sweeps, but I really am thinking about this as a Naruto coming-of-age story, so I hope you don't mind that this was more of a character study chapter and some pieces were set for future developments. Kakashi's in his head a lot. Naruto's going to try and get in there hehe.
> 
> Always grateful for comments, kudos, and your time.


	3. we too are exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check-ins with Tsunade and Sakura. Musings in the archives. An encounter in the dark.

After their last conversation, Naruto was dispatched to a fairly long mission and Kakashi returned to service, determined to remain vigilant and make up for his last failure. They had hardly seen each other in months as autumn became winter, as red maple leaves piled up on the ground and the branches on the trees of Hidden Leaf grew bone dry.

Kakashi noted a strange, forced expression in Naruto’s face the few times when they briefly crossed paths in the hallway outside Tsunade’s office. Kakashi had become accustomed to a certain routine now, what amounted to a full-body patdown. As soon as Naruto saw his former teacher, he would be over in a flash, taking Kakashi’s face in his hands, lifting and inspecting arms, poking at his side (Kakashi did his best to not reveal that he was in fact, fairly ticklish there), throwing any sense of decorum in front of his ANBU teammates all out the window who hung back, amusement in the softness of their stances and crossed arms.

How lucky they were to have Naruto on their team. Kakashi wondered faintly how Team Ro, how his angry, unrelenting self, would have reacted to the Uzumaki on their ANBU team. Would he have made mission decisions any differently? Would he have hated himself any more, or less?

“I’m fully intact, Frog. Your future Hokage thanks you for your concern about his safety.” Kakashi offered with a tease in his tone, but he didn’t miss the flash in Naruto’s intense gaze from behind the mask, a bolt of lightning in the middle of a dry meadow.

The last time this happened, an ANBU agent with a long russet-colored ponytail and a deer mask had gotten in the way of Naruto circling Kakashi, placing his hand on Naruto’s bicep gently but firmly. “We should get going, Frog. Hokage-sama said we didn’t have any time to waste.”

The gesture was meant to remind Naruto of where he was and what he had to do, but the silver-haired man couldn’t help but feel a strange flutter in his stomach, a discontent. Was that touch familiar? Intimate even? Was he reading too much into it?

He probably was. Naruto never fretted about setting boundaries when it come to personal space, anyway.

“You’re right,” Naruto’s voice surprised him. It was smooth and even, without any trace of emotion. He sounded older than he ever had before. But those blue eyes continued to stare at him, crackling with light.

Fury, even.

Tsunade assigned Kakashi, Yamato, and Sakura to a short mission, a straightforward consultation with Gaara and his advisors about hospital setups. He was both surprised and relieved when Sakura was the one to bring up Naruto on their way home from Suna.

“You two have been keeping tabs on Naruto, right? Since he’s been assigned to ANBU?” she asked as Konohagakure no Sato came into view. Their pace was leisurely, and Kakashi enjoyed the cool night air as it nipped at their faces. The moon was waxing and its gentle light extended a helpful levity to their journey home. It had yet to snow in Konoha, but snowfall was arriving any day now.

“You knew, Sakura-san?” Tenzou asked.

She nodded. “Aside from the fact that I would know him anywhere, he came in with the mask on when he brought in Kakashi-sensei’s unconscious body. Had totally forgotten it was on. It was a pain to get him to leave your side and go check in with Tsunade-sama.” She pulled her pale cloak tighter around her body. “Tsunade-sama obviously would have told Kakashi-sensei since she is entrusting everything to him. And Yamato-senpai, you’re clearly still on reserve with ANBU when necessary. It all checks out. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sai knew too, and I’m sure Shikamaru could guess based on how little we’ve all seen of Naruto lately. No one else has really picked up on it though—our Hokage has been keeping everyone busy after the war.”

She looked over at her former teacher. “Is he doing alright?”

“Saa…” he mused, unsure of how to answer her. “I can’t say I’ve seen much of him either. Tsunade-sama keeps sending him on missions so we have to assume he’s passing the psychological evaluations before they send him back out into the field.”

“It’s good they implement those evaluations now,” Yamato added. “Some of the older ANBU find it unnecessary, but they’re transitioning the young ANBU in more effectively rather than forcing them to just push through. Less shinobi forced to their breaking points and we can identify the ones who were prematurely placed more quickly. They’ll pull Naruto away from missions if he starts to suffer. The only ANBU we should be worried about are the ones who lie, and we all know Naruto’s never been great at that.”

The three of them chuckled, all remembering their own instances of Naruto’s almost-painful sincerity.

“We’ll all keep an eye on Naruto,” Kakashi reassured her. “We have to have faith he is growing older and knows his limitations.”

Sakura scoffed. “Naruto?  _ Limitations _ ? Kakashi-sensei, it’s only a matter of time before that brat blows past his limitations.”

He made a noncommittal noise. “Saa, we’ll see.”

But deep down, Kakashi felt a strange rumbling in his stomach. Sakura was right. Naruto wore his heart on his sleeve, but it was surprisingly difficult to coax out the rationale for his emotions at times, especially if he felt like he could better protect his precious people by holding onto those thoughts. It wasn’t lying, but rather a stubborn refusal to cooperate.

After they were dismissed from their mission report, the jounin dreamt fitfully about a steely set of blue eyes, penetrating and stormy in the dark.

The next morning, he had his regularly scheduled consulation with Tsunade. Aside from the occasional, inevitable mishap, all of the Kage were starting to breathe easier. Kakashi knew he still did not have an easy tenure ahead of him when he assumed the role of Konoha’s lead Shadow and he had much to do before passing on the role to his blond successor. Both he and Tsunade agreed that the next year would be  _ absolute hell _ , but at least the path forward was becoming clearer. The testy natures of the daimyo and the ruling families were wild and unpredictable, but even that was a known quantity, and that much could be accounted for, barring something ridiculous like a maniac rabbit queen from the moon or the resurrection of former villainous Uchiha.

The leader of Konoha and her successor had cringed at the thought and promptly promised each other they’d visit temples later to pray; knowing their luck, anything like that still wasn’t out of the question.

As they neared the middle of their work hour together, Tsunade asked Kakashi if there was anything else he felt like they should address.

“I would like to have your coronation ceremony by mid-spring, Kakashi, if you are feeling ready by then.”

Kakashi nodded. After all that nonsense with the airship and the Blood Prison, he didn’t have much else to say. Naruto had been oddly cagey around that time as well after he had found out that so much transpired without him. “Spring sounds fine.”

Tsunade’s eyes glinted. “Oh good, because that’s when the daimyo demands the beginnings of the new year audit, and I will be happy to task all of that to you.”

The grey-haired jounin groaned. “Your generosity is truly limitless, Hokage-sama.“

“Is there anything you wanted to discuss?”

“Only your permission to review the new psychological evaluations for the ANBU, Tsunade-dono.”

Tsunade tilted her head gently, resting her fine chin in the palm of her hand. She stared at him and he did his best not squirm under her gaze. So this is where Sakura learned it from. “You are surprisingly predictable, Kakashi.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s not a bad thing, I suppose,” she murmured as she pulled out a small card and began to scrawl a quick note. “It does give me comfort to entrust the future of this village to you. You’re no Naruto, but your heart is closer to your sleeve than I would have thought. Don’t respond. Here.” She passed him her form of approval. He bowed and gave his thanks (for more reasons than one) before heading to the new division for psychological archives.

It didn’t take long to find Naruto’s file, listed under Frog of Team Ke. They had not been implementing the psychological screenings for very long, so Naruto’s file was one of a few that would have encompassed the entirety of an ANBU agent’s career. Kakashi flipped through the thin binder, slowly. The missions were not detailed here, as each one was assigned an alphanumeric code and keyword neatly imprinted at the top of each form. But they told a story nonetheless, and Kakashi felt a faint bit of trepidation as well as relief as the narrative came into focus. Naruto scored high on emotional volatility after his first mission, but only a handful of pages later, he demonstrated stable scores across the board for many missions thereafter.

Kakashi paused on Mission 8TXA4, Codename Future. Frog had tested highly for volatility here. When he turned the page, there was a follow-up screening:

> Have you had nightmares about any events from the previous mission? YES   
>  Are you avoiding events, places, or people that remind you of the event? YES   
>  Are upsetting thoughts or memories coming into your mind against your will? YES   
>  Do you find yourself numb or detached from people, activities, or your surroundings? NO   
>  Do you find yourself constantly on guard, restless, or easily startled? YES   
>  Do you feel guilty or unable to stop blaming yourself or others for the events that occurred? YES

The notes at the bottom suggested further follow-up with the Hokage specifically, but shortly after that, Frog’s status returned to the previous standard of emotional stability and he was deemed fit for duty without concern.

Kakashi chuckled darkly. He wondered how well this screening would have served him those ten long years in ANBU. How would he have answered these questions? Hell,  _ was that even a question _ ?

Well. At least he would have said No to having nightmares. Aside from a few short years immediately following Rin’s death, Kakashi had rarely dreamed partly because he had always been pushing his body to the brink of exhaustion. Only the faintest shadows came to him in his sleep all these years, things that did not leave him screaming or shaking or crying, only with a vague and tired sense of dread in the morning. And, he noted miserably, he had no trouble when it came to avoiding things that reminded him of his many failures. In fact, he loved surrounding himself with reminders for many years.

(The bones around his left eye seemed to ache. Almost like they missed the unbearable weight of the Sharingan.)

The jounin let out a large and heavy sigh, which echoed in the otherwise empty archive. How lonely he was before Team Seven. How cold and cruel the world, before Naruto gave them all reason to dream different.

Reading through the answers again, he took some comfort that Naruto didn’t feel numb, despite how he was affected by the mission. He wasn’t even sure what that would look like, a numb expression on that face that carried every feeling right there, right under the surface of his warm, tanned skin.

Kakashi didn’t want to imagine it. Instead he closed his eyes, and thought of loud slurps and a contented grin at Ichiraku Ramen, the giddy laughter of a man who would laugh at falling leaves if given the opportunity.

On his way home, Kakashi decided not to push anything. He had made his offer, and Naruto’s joyful, open expression the last time they had shared a full day together was enough. He had to trust that Naruto would come to him if necessary. And knowing the ways in which ANBU made people…strange, he knew he had to be open to however the new recruit chose to show up when he did. 

Surprise was an inaccurate, incomplete, and perhaps even  _ dishonest  _ description, then, for what Kakashi felt when suddenly his face and body were pinned to the wall, one of his arms against his back and the other held tightly by the wrist against the stone wall of a dark alleyway as he neared his home that winter evening. It was late and he was supposed to leave for Sound Country in the morning. His sharp nose had detected a familiar presence in the shadows but he was pushed up on the wall mere seconds afterward.

_ Incredibly fast _ .

Heat radiated from the body behind him, warm breath on his neck, and the edge to his assailant’s chakra approached something close to killing intent.

“Okaeri, Naruto,” he drawled, his tone even if one didn’t notice its slight ragged edge.  _ Welcome back. _ Naruto had been gone for two weeks now. The jounin’s last memory of him was a forced smile as he said,  _ I’ll see you around, Kakashi-sensei _ . If he had been honest with himself, he should have known by that expression that Naruto’s breaking point had been soon forthcoming.

When a low voice murmured in his ear, “Tadaima, sensei.”  _ I’m home _ . Kakashi did his very best to ignore both the thrill that went up his spine and his  _ very  _ evident and immediate hard-on now pressed against the wall.

Best not to think too much about that immediate reaction.

“You told me that I could lean on you anytime.” A hard, muscled body pressed more deeply, flush against his back. A tremendous amount of willpower went into not assessing for any specific hardness in the lower regions, and Kakashi gulped carefully.

“I did indeed,” Kakashi mused, a faint hint of amusement threaded in his words. “I suppose this kind of leaning on me counts as well.” Underneath, however, his heart pounded wildly.

The two of them grew quiet as a soft shuffling approached on the main road. A lone civilian walked by, shivering in the snow, but did not notice the two shinobi in the dark.

When it was clear they were alone again, the captured man offered another attempt at jest. “Any reason why you’ve chosen to hold me hostage? Hard to support you like I promised when you’ve incapacitated me like this.”

Kakashi heard a sharp intake of breath behind him, and then groaned when he felt teeth sink into his right shoulder. Naruto’s name escaped his lips in a fractured gasp.

Did Naruto really just bite him?

“I finally figured it out this time, sensei. Why I felt rage. It wasn’t just about the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about it long after we had reported to Baachan--”

_ Are upsetting thoughts or memories coming into your mind against your will?  _

“--and I wasn’t just angry that my heart was beating out my chest the next three missions, I was so on edge I couldn’t see straight sometimes--”

_ Do you find yourself constantly on guard, restless, or easily startled? _

“--I felt bad almost telling Baachan I wasn’t ready to go back to Iwagakure after seeing your mangled, bloodied body on that goddamn floor because I just kept seeing it every night I went to sleep--”

_ Have you had nightmares about any events from the previous mission? _

“Oh hell no, it turns out I was pissed about a lot more than that. I wasn’t just angry at those mercenaries for what they did to you. I wasn’t just angry at my teammates, or myself.”

Kakashi managed a slow and shaky, “…Oh?”

“I was angry at  _ you _ .”

Then, a shock of cold air greeted his face and Kakashi realized his mask had been pulled down. He could hear another set of feet coming down the main road again. Snow began to fall. Little flakes were melting into his gloves, his scalp, the fabric bunched around his neck.

“How  _ dare _ you expose yourself like that, Kakashi?” Naruto’s killing intent spiked. His voice was low, gravelly. Lush. He shivered. “Like there aren’t  _ consequences _ to what you do?”

“You’re really going to let a stranger see my face before you do? Bold.” Kakashi wondered how much of his face Naruto could make out in the dark, part of it pressed to the side and the fabric clearly covering part of his chin. Then, he wondered, for the first time ever, how much of his face he  _ wanted _ the other man to witness. Chills ran up his spine.

“As if you’re going to make a sound when this next civilian passes by.”

“You’d be surprised as to what I’m willing to do in public, Naruto,” Kakashi quipped, becoming aware that he was  _ goading _ , that this was quickly becoming a  _ very _ dangerous game to play. Sakura’s words surfaced in his mind.

_ It’s only a matter of time before that brat blows past his limitations _ .

The grip on his wrist loosened and the weight disappeared from his backside. Without thinking, his hands immediately pulled his mask back up. Despite himself and his attempts at a calm demeanor, he knew this betrayed him to Naruto and made it clear just how riled up he was. He turned around, gingerly assessing the situation in the process, unsure of what Naruto was thinking, hell, unsure of what he was thinking. Sensation was returning to one side of his face now.

This was Kakashi’s first time properly assessing the young man in his ANBU attire; the previous encounters had been so brief and Naruto such a flurry of energy that he hardly had time to…notice. Naruto’s normally tanned skin was paler, lightened by more time spent under the light of the moon and less of the winter sun. His ANBU uniform was nothing remarkable: the standard issue sleeveless turtleneck, pants, and elbow-length gloves under the grey arm guards and flak jacket.

Kakashi’s eyes drifted to the dark spiral on the shinobi’s unbandaged, the signature mark of Konohagakure’s Assassination and Tactical Squad. How remarkable, he noted absently, that Kyuubi allowed this tattoo to remain while keeping the rest of the man’s skin so flawless. He suddenly felt the mark on his own left side, as if warmed by the close presence of a kindred spirit. That recognition pained him. He didn’t regret his service to his village. He couldn’t necessarily apologize for all the lives he took and those years of solitude. He couldn’t look back at so much of that decade and pore over the Sandaime’s decisions to determine if there had been any other course of action.

When Team Seven came into his life, he had continually committed to a new promise. To leave his past in the past. To protect the future those bratty genin wanted to build. This was the promise Obito had seen in his expression, when he asked “Why would you help him?”.

The words of that beautiful woman from Wind Country suddenly came back to him. Words he had not considered in a very long time.  _ You never need to apologize for how you chose to survive** _ , she had whispered in his ear the next morning after taking his virginity and equipping him with the weapons that would keep him safe in ANBU for years to come.

Kakashi settled back on Naruto’s face, partially lit from the main street lamps, partially cast in shadow. Kakashi almost didn’t recognize him. It was nothing material: the young man’s hair was still dark gold, slowly growing damp as the snowfall continued, the whisker marks still taut across his fine skin, his eyes as blue and still as a lake deep in an undisturbed forest.

A terror settled into his heart as he looked more closely at that stillness, glassy in the darkness.

_ Naruto was slipping away. _

The younger man croaked, his voice suddenly dry as if he hadn’t spoken in weeks. “Then surprise me, sensei.”

Kakashi nodded slowly. His hands took Naruto’s and guided them to either side of the mask on his face. Tears welled in those blue eyes as they stared forward, right back at Kakashi’s even expression. He could see the young man desperately trying to resurface from some unknowable depths. The seconds passed by in silence as snow continued to fall around them, and Kakashi just held the gloved hands tenderly in his own. “I’m here, Naruto.”

When he felt those warm fingers curl around the mask, centimeter by careful centimeter, he pulled downward. There was no rush. There could be no hurry. He inhaled deeply, held it for a moment, and then exhaled. Waiting for Naruto’s breath to match his own.

“Naruto,” he breathed out, softly. “I’m here.”

His nose was entirely exposed, along with the entirety of his scar. Tears were now streaming down Naruto’s face. glimmering in the flicker of the lamp light.

“Naruto.”

Now his mouth. The cold was sharp on his face, but he didn’t stop.

“Naruto.”

The mask pooled around his neck, exposing the entire length of his carotid arteries and he had to bite back his instincts to cover them up again, bite back the thoughts in his head of Naruto slitting them and bleeding out in a rush. No, Naruto had not moved his hands, so curled fingers rested at Kakashi’s collarbones, trembling against skin and veins. The words came to him one more time, so this time the former ANBU decided to say it out loud.

“You never need to apologize for how you chose to survive. Any of this.”

Blue eyes finally softened, wobbling in the light.

_ I promise you. _

When those fingers loosened, Kakashi felt the rush of arms move on his shoulders before he registered Naruto’s lips on his, for a deep and desperate kiss.

_ You promised not to pity him _ , he thought to himself as he beat down his feelings of guilt and doubt, of  _ aren’t you his former teacher? _ and  _ who are you of all people to be doing this right now _ ? It was a brief moment, quickly submerged in the overwhelming sensation of his lips tingling as his arms wrapped around Naruto, pulling hard against the flak jacket, settled and dug into the ANBU soldier’s hips. There were deft fingers in his hair now, and the younger man was relentless. Every kiss was nothing short of ravenous, some primal desire to swallow him whole.

They had been outside and the snow had been falling long enough for them both to feel mildly damp at this point, perhaps even cold, but Naruto’s tongue slipped into his mouth and Kakashi could only think of campfires, of smoke and something under his skin, singed lines of black powder in his veins. It was hard to say that he never expected this possibility, ever since he first imagined the young man in ANBU and what his coping mechanisms would entail, but he never dwelled on the tangible possibilities of it— that maybe if he had properly entertained the idea, that he would have spent all time imagining the fullness of Naruto’s bottom lip, the almost-pained gasps between their mouths meeting again, and still not come anywhere close to how fucking  _ good _ it felt to have those hands and lips on him in the dark, even with the taste of the younger man’s tears on his tongue. 

He yanked on Naruto’s hair and licked up the trail of saltwater from that defined chin up to the cheekbone. The other man hissed, sucking inwardly between his teeth. 

“Kakashi...” he groaned.

_ I’m here. _

_ I promise you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wee, so we're here! It's been interesting to convey things entirely from Kakashi's perspective while also needing to map out and imagine Naruto's growth and experiences in ANBU, but the more I did it, the more I realized this world would be incredibly difficult for him to navigate. Like Kakashi, I have total faith in Naruto's light, but I didn't expect his reactions to happen the way that they have. A lot is simmering under the surface with him in canon, and it comes to a boiling point here. As I told fleur, this chapter was a bit of a pain because the tension needed to be just right, so I hope that was communicated. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I am so grateful for every kudos, bookmark, and comment especially! 
> 
> ** "You never need to apologize for how you chose to survive" is a quote by writer Clementine von Radics. It carried me through my own process at some point, and it seemed fitting here, to pass down from an oiran to Kakashi and now to Naruto.


	4. in the moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex is had and words are left unsaid. Kakashi checks in with Yamato. Bodies interact but don't communicate.
> 
> Content note: sex, and a smidge of grotesque body horror/gore at the end as a consequence of violence, so do be aware if any of that makes you squeamish.

Naruto trailed Kakashi like his shadow as they wound their way up the stairs to Kakashi’s apartment. His gaze was hungry, unrelenting on Kakashi’s back, and all of the jounin’s body burned despite the snow falling thickly upon them. A key, a click, and a tumble through the door as their bodies fumbled in the dark, searching for anything and everything to touch.

Kakashi could feel Naruto’s presence shifting in the dark, both more at ease and on edge. This was not his former student, the goofy genin. This was not the Savior of the World. This was not the young man who was crying silently in the alleyway just moments, nor the ruffian who had accosted him moments before that. No.

This was a weapon. This was ANBU.

Kakashi wouldn’t exactly call it relief, but there was something akin to it in his stomach as he was pushed up against the wall and the blond relentlessly kissed along his chin and neck, as if enough kisses would grant him passage to some deep abyss. He felt like he was meeting a complete stranger and at the same time, this was most certainly Naruto, in the steady stream of grunts and noises as he slipped urgent hands under Kakashi’s shirt and into grey hair. Kakashi groaned as the wet warmth of the other man’s tongue ran up the length of his carotid on the left side of his neck, and Naruto pressed his hard length flush against Kakashi’s.

He closed his eyes and finally let out a low groan.

He could practically hear the thrill that coursed through Naruto’s spine as the sound left him, the smell of his arousal thick in the air. The blond seemed almost

feral.

The ANBU sentry ran a sharp canine down the trail of wet saliva he had just left on Kakashi’s pale neck, making the older man shudder. He murmured into the man’s collarbone as his fingers quickly drifted over a hardened length before his hands fumbled with the zipper of Kakashi’s pants. “You know, sensei, I heard so many rumors when I first joined ANBU. About the older generation. The war days. They tell us new ones how lucky we are.”

Kakashi gasped into the open air before him. His eyes were unfocused, loosely taking in the winter moonlight as it came in through the window. His hands lay limply at his sides as he felt the zipper become undone. He lifted his hips away from the wall when Naruto tugged at his pants, and they pooled around his ankles. The weight at his collarbone lifted, and he looked down to find keen blue eyes staring up at him as Naruto held his cock in both hands.

“I’m sure you know, sensei, the rumors about Wolf. About you.” Naruto’s voice was steady. Mirthful, even. “At least now I can say one of those rumors is true. You’re _hung_.” And with that he took half of Kakashi’s heft into his mouth.

Kakashi nearly forgot about the wall behind him and at the last moment saved himself from slamming his head into the plaster. It only took a few moments before Naruto was bobbing his head on Kakashi’s dick at an absolutely _delightful_ speed, smooth and even, and his tongue was wide and wet on the bottom of his cock. The blonde slurped as loudly as he did before a bowl of Teuchi’s ramen at Ichiraku, and the very comparison made it apparent how goddamn _lewd_ this all was. Kakashi had to wonder if his neighbors could hear the soft gasps in the dark, the loud slurping as if the blond was trying to lap up the last dregs of water on this earth.

He didn’t allow himself to to think too far, to stray from his instincts and how pleasure seemed to radiate through every muscle in his body as his former student sucked him off. He did, however, permit himself a gentle hand on top of that messy, damp head of golden hair, gently encouraging and maintaining the younger man’s pace. He slowed him down when Naruto began to move just a little too quickly. The blond had added a hand, his fingers wrapped just so and pressed against the blond’s lips, so that hand and mouth moved in tandem to spread a slick amount of saliva all over Kakashi’s cock. When Naruto’s fingers split away from the mouth to run the rest of the length down to the base, they lightly hit against Kakashi’s balls, causing a slightly painful, tingly feeling to shimmer through his hips. A ragged stream of swears spilled from Kakashi’s lips.

Naruto’s free hand had drifted up from his hips, slipping under his standard issue jounin shirt and a palm splayed across Kakashi’s toned abdomen. He could practically hear the admiration as palm and fingers explored an expanse of scarred muscle across Kakashi’s stomach, and Naruto hummed in approval.

A wet pop, a quick swirl of a tongue around his tip, and he heard Naruto mutter, “I want your cum on my face, Kakashi-sensei.”

It took an immense amount of effort not to come into the younger man’s mouth right then and there. Truth be told, Kakashi knew he had also slipped into a different part of himself, a light armor that maintained his tightly controlled and respectable sexual reputation within ANBU.

But no one in ANBU ever spoke to him like this. No one had ever told him they wanted his slick, translucent semen on their lips, their tongue, across their cheek and dribbling down their chin. When he looked down at Naruto’s blue eyes and imagined a sticky trail of cum across those whisker marks,

it was all so close to sending him right over the edge.

As Naruto moved to continue his efforts, Kakashi caught his chin midway with a firm hand, tilting his head upwards so azure could meet dark eyes. “What else did they tell you, Naruto? About Wolf?” His hold tightened on the man’s chin and he wasn’t sure if he imagined Naruto gulp.

Coyly, a tongue darted out to flick at Kakashi’s still-hard cock, which was just to the left of his face, as if reminding Kakashi of the real task at hand. Naruto’s hand took over, however, lazily jerking as his expression sharpened with a kind of mocking delight. “Anything they could tell me you can’t confirm for me right now?”

Kakashi at this point decided that they still had far too many clothes on, and flipped his hold on Naruto’s chin so he held the young man’s jaw more comfortably to drag him back up to his feet for a deep kiss as he pushed them forward into the room so that they were bathed in the winter moon’s sharp light. He dropped his flak jacket from his shoulders and pulled off his shirt before his hands worked at loosening the fasteners on Naruto’s ANBU vest, pulling off both vest and shirt from Naruto’s exquisitely toned body. Naruto had always had a lean, muscled figure since he returned from his trip with Jiraiya but years of constant fighting during the Fourth Shinobi War, his current work in the Black Ops, and his final growth spurt meant that this shoulders had broadened and his physique was unparalleled. Kakashi took a moment to let his fingers admire the expanse of warm skin from shoulders down pectorals and abdomen before running the periphery of the man’s pants, admiring of the Kyuubi’s work in leaving Naruto’s skin entirely unblemished and unmarked aside from the tattoo on his left arm.

Kakashi wasn’t going to let himself ponder too much on the tidal wave of emotions he knew he would have to process when all this was over, but he had to admit kissing Naruto felt like something he never knew he had been waiting for all this time, all these years. Not to say that he had ever thought of kissing his former student, much less in any sexual way prior to these past six months—but there was an unbridled intimacy to the way they kissed, as if it felt like the natural extension of the bond they’d built across the years, as normal as the fit of his fingerless gloves over his hands. The man smelled of sweat and musk, the result of a long journey to return to Konoha, but that faint expression of sun-warmed clay and toasted seaweed was ever present. Naruto was an insistent kisser, his tongue constantly crossing the threshold of Kakashi’s lips in sprints and spurts, as if taunting Kakashi’s own tongue to come out of hiding.

Naruto moved his mouth away from Kakashi’s lips and pressed a trail of kisses from the side of his mouth along his jaw as they made their way to the couch. In a quick, deft move, Naruto flipped their positions so he could push Kakashi onto the couch and come to his knees on the ground. The jinchuuriki’s face was backlit by the light coming from the window, the snowfall outside casting a flickering quality behind him, like an old film reel.

Kakashi could feel his face mimic that of Naruto’s as Naruto’s swollen lips were lightly parted and his gaze hazey. Their bared chests moved in unison as they took slow, shallow breaths. Blue eyes shimmered in the dark, clearly trying to soak up every detail of his former teacher’s face. There seemed to be something Naruto wanted to say, but whatever it was hung in the air between them.

Finally, his eyes broze their gaze and the blonde dipped to press a soft, fluttery kiss to Kakashi’s knee. Something about the gentleness of the gesture caused a tingling in the back of Kakashi’s eyes and his mouth to part even more.

But then the moment was gone and Naruto’s mouth was on his cock once more, this time faster and more relentless, this time determined to the point of violent. Kakashi threw his head back comfortably now with no wall behind him and closed his eyes. One of Naruto’s soft hands was aiding in the process again, and the groans slipping out of the jounin quickly informed the other man how exactly to time the rhythms of his fellatio. He could feel what Naruto was asking of him in the man’s ministrations— _can I push you to your edge? If you let go, will I be able to?_

A pause and just as Kakashi was about to open one hair just a bit to squint down, ask if Naruto was alright, but then suddenly he heard a loud gulp and felt lips right there, pressing hard into his groin.

Naruto was deep-throating him, as if the man had been born without a gag reflex.

If Kakashi had time to think about it, he would have noted that this was never a particular fantasy of his, as he was well-aware of his large endowment and never found the idea particularly compelling in and of itself. But something about Naruto’s almost disgustingly loud slurps and gulps and visualizing the smooth, pale neck tightening as it took in the entirety of Kakashi’s cock was nothing short of delicious. His still-gloved hand tried to find its way to Naruto’s head but the man moved in such an erratic way as he sucked off as if he were trying to avoid Kakashi’s hold on him. His hands settled for gripping the edge of the couch. It took far too much effort to not just thrust with abandon into that wanton mouth.

“Naruto,” he murmured, well aware and uncaring of the desperation in his voice. “Naruto, _please._ ”

He bucked once and grunted loudly, and Naruto took his cue to release his mouth hold on Kakashi but held firm with his hand as a stream of cum fell onto the lower half of his face. Kakashi’s hold on his couch was so ironclad he almost worried he was going to tear out parts of the cover and stuffing.

He took one deep, heaving breath with his eyes closed as his body seemed to sink deeper into the couch. When he reopened his eyes, Naruto had stood up with a smirk on his face as semen dribbled down his chin. Kakashi couldn’t quite name the expression on that whiskered face, but he approximated it to something like triumph.

Maybe something else as well, closer to relief.

Before he could even do anything, Naruto tilted his head back and gripped his own length, using the wetness to jerk himself off and in a matter of seconds, he too had come and his pearly contents found their way onto Kakashi’s broad thigh.

Even in the darkness, Kakashi couldn’t miss the trail of tears quietly streaming down Naruto’s face.

  
  


Yamato accepted immediately when Kakashi asked him to partner on an A-rank combat mission. It was Kakashi’s first serious one in a while since his kidnapping and poisoning. It went well, with minimal recourse for Konoha, and Kakashi only got nicked lightly on his upper arm where a kunai had sliced and left a gaping but not terrible gash.

“You’re a little off, senpai,” Yamato finally offered in the darkness, as Kakashi applied gauze and wrapped a bandage lightly around his wound. “I’ve been told sharing your burdens helps with such things, and I cannot help but think you asked me of all people on this mission for a reason. I am here if you’d like to speak, or I can just provide battle partnership if that’s what you’d like. But I worry my abilities can only go so far.” The Mokuton user’s face was placid but serious in the flicker of the campfire. His even breaths formed soft puffs in the cold air.

Kakashi felt a bit embarrassed for how long he allowed the silence to hang between them as he struggled to find the right words.

Finally, he began tentatively. “Tenzou— do you remember me? In ANBU?”

“A strange question, Kakashi-senpai.”

“Maa, I suppose. I’m just surprised I spent ten years of my life as Wolf of Team Ro, and yet I remember just as poorly as any hazy dream.”

“You have been worried about Naruto.” Yamato stated plainly. “Losing himself. And you are wondering if you lost yourself those ten years.”

It was surprisingly difficult to form words. Kakashi’s voice caught in his throat. His thoughts trailed to Naruto lingering in his doorway that night, how neither of them could say anything before Naruto nodded curtly and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Another beat passed before Yamato leaned back in the wooden rocking chair he had fashioned for himself, rocking back and forth softly. “You were relentless. Both a weapon and a leader. I never had to worry about mistakes with you, senpai.”

The jounin winced a bit, feeling the sting of the wound on his arm as Yamato spoke.

But the Mokuton user continued. “I’m sure you remember just as much as I do all the lives we shed. I have a hard time naming it as such, but I know civilians would easily call what we did ‘gruesome.’ Danzou—” and here venom was unmistakable in the brunet’s typically calm done— “would have called our actions important moves on the grand Go board to maintain Konoha’s stronghold. Everything we did essential.”

At this both Kakashi and Yamato chuckled darkly. _As if._

He stopped his rocking, planting his feet firmly on the ground, lightly dusted with snow.

“But I hope you remember too, that you never lost a teammate, all those years.”

Kakashi found himself on his knees, saliva dribbling down his chin and wetting his bunched up mask, as Naruto threaded expert fingers through his silver hair, grabbed a handful, and guided Kakashi’s mouth to the exact pace he wanted to be sucked off.

He couldn’t tell you how exactly they got here (again).

Naruto had shown up to his apartment. For whatever reason that night, Kakashi had happened to be awake, staring blanky at the 4:27 in digital red in the dark, when he heard a soft rap at his window. He came to the window to find Naruto smiling tightly, asking if he’d be open to an early morning spar. So one moment he was sparring with Naruto on a distant, rarely used training ground before sunrise, and he thought he had had the upper hand given their restrictions to taijutsu. Naruto had clearly just come back from a mission, dressed plainly in his ANBU attire, and while his instincts were sharp, Kakashi couldn’t miss that some amount of sleep deprivation and muscle fatigue were impeding the young man’s abilities.

But then, before he knew it, his tongue was eagerly lapping at Naruto’s handome cock in the middle of said training ground, his eyes focused on Naruto’s glazed expression as the blue light of premature dawn crept its way onto his face. One hand wrapped around the base of Naruto’s member, flush against the bristly golden curls that framed his groin while the other steadied itself on a pale, exposed hip.

“You’re so fucking good, sensei,” the blond murmured and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. “So fucking good. Love that mouth on my dick, just like that—ugh!”

Naruto was notably more talkative this time, babbling or mumbling or moaning throughout, and Kakashi noticed his own body relax in response.

When the man finally came, groaning roughly and echoing in the empty training range, Kakashi caught and swallowed most of the salty cum. But a little splattered across the folds of his mask.

“Leave it,” Naruto commanded, but then his blue eyes widened, and instantaneously there was a shift in the man’s demeanor, as if snapping out of a haze. His fingers reached forward, though clearly unsure what they meant to do. “Sorry, Kakashi-sensei,” he muttered. 

But Kakashi caught the fingers with one hand and held them gently as he stood up. He felt a slight twinge in his right knee; age was gaining on him, and he felt it more keenly with each passing day.

When the jounin pulled up his mask, and it became clear that Naruto’s mess was going to be slathered across the man’s face under the mask, Naruto blushed furiously. “No way! Pervert!”

“Breakfast? I know a spot.”

The blond choked, his whole expression much more like his genin days than his actual age and rank. “You _wouldn’t_.”

Kakashi laughed, his eyes closed; it had felt like forever since he had seen this side of Naruto, fresh-faced and open with his emotions.

It also didn’t escape his notice that Naruto’s hand had not yet left his own gloved one. Something strange fluttered in his chest, and Kakashi carefully swallowed the rush of shamedoubtterror _hope_ that bubbled in his throat.

That same rush of emotion accompanied bile a little more than a week later, when Kakashi’s mission happened to intersect with ANBU Team Ke. While the other two members of Team Ke politely greeted their future Hokage, it took Kakashi a long moment to recognize the mask of the man in the back being that of Frog’s for no reason other than it was difficult to distinguish any details of the white porcelain mask, or the coloring of the man’s hair, or even the toning of his skin, because he was drenched from roots to toes in blood.

Blue eyes lifted and pierced through mask and silence to reach Kakashi’s own dark gaze. He couldn’t hide the horror in his own face as his eyes adjusted in the moonless night and he finally saw it; Frog clutching onto his belly, holding his organs and innards in place as a giant hole gaped, near half his torso blown away.

Naruto’s voice was unmistakably roguish, playful, sending chills straight through Kakashi’s whole being.

“Hello, Kakashi. Have you come to play, too?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a while because I really struggled with the sex scenes! There are a few more to come, and I think I'm more properly in Naruto's psychology, so I think the next (and most likely final chapter) should go smoothly. 
> 
> Fun fact: Decided to go with Ke as the hiragana character for Naruto's ANBU team because when you pair it with Kakashi's team Ro, you get 'kero' which is the sound frogs make in Japanese hehe. 
> 
> Stakes are going to go up in the last chapter in terms of sex, violence, emotional orientation; even though this is a darker take on Naruto, you won't see much more intense than this last scene in this chapter-- the emphasis here is on trusting Naruto to come of age and descend in the darkness, mostly on his terms, and it won't all be pretty, but they're in this, together. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience, for reading, and for your time! I deeply value comments, and so appreciate the kudos and bookmarks!


	5. i'll find you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude at an inn. Kakashi and Naruto take a break, and find each other in the dark. An extended sex scene and some very very light bloodplay, do be aware.

Kakashi stood at the riverbank and watched. Frog peeled off his ANBU uniform, heavy with blood, and it squelched loudly as he laid it on the large rocks by the water. Immediately, dark rivulets bled over both rock and the cut musculature of the man’s exposed body. Lines of blood slithered from Naruto’s the curve of his neck to the curve of his taut ass, partially visible thanks to the nearby campfire Kakashi had prepared. Frog pulled off his mask, finally setting it on top of his clothing, and hissed as he stepped forward, further and further into the frigid waters.

Hours earlier, the russet-haired team member, Deer, had reported to Kakashi while the medic-nin on Team Ke quickly tended to the gaping hole in Frog's belly. While Kurama’s chakra would provide most of the healing work, it wouldn’t do to have his insides hanging out of him in the meantime. She had run out of nylon partway through the stitching so the fastest fix for now, she said, would be to seal and cauterize the rest of the wound. Kakashi wondered if he imagined it or if everyone else just ignored it, that moment that made his heart still. When Naruto had lifted his mask partway to answer her, the quick flashing of his canines and the way he ran his tongue over his teeth, almost like he was grinning before he muttered, “Do as you like.” When he pulled his mask back on, his eyes flickered, candles under threat of too much wind.

With the authority that came with being the next Hokage, Kakashi listened to the debrief as Deer briskly recounted the night’s events. Yamato stood by his side, his normally placid face gaunt in the darkness. They were supposed to have followed a trail of smuggled weapons at the border of Fire Country, but the mercenaries had been trafficking much more than arms and forbidden scrolls. Kakashi made no expression as the man confirmed what he and Tsunade had suspected for many weeks now: the trafficking of the weak and the helpless, the harvesting of organs to benefit the wealthy. They had been in contact with the Daimyo of Fire Country after the Fourth Shinobi World War, warning of the devastation and destabilization it caused on the border countries and the impending refugee crisis. But their leader had refused to acknowledge the issue and reminded the Hokage and her successor that they were leaders of a military village, not a humanitarian haven.

So Konohagakure no Sato’s hands were tied. And now this.

“We found children. Frog…intervened. Rushed into it, sir, without hesitation. A truly reckless move.”

Kakashi chuckled grimly. “Of course he did.” A pained yelp interrupted their conversation, and from a short distance, the acrid smell of soldered flesh permeated the air.

“You came across us right as Frog eliminated the last mercenary. He had been fighting with that wound for a while. But even then…if I can be honest, I don’t think Monkey or I would have been able to keep up, even if Frog had allowed us an opportunity.”

Yamato at this point chimed in. “Where are the children?” Between the two men, they shared an unspoken memory.

“Safe,” the ANBU member responded. “But I’m afraid we’ll be shorthanded to escort them with Frog the way he is.”

“I’ll join you,” Yamato offered.

Kakashi nodded his approval. “Go on ahead. I’ll trail behind with Frog. Report to Tsunade-dono immediately.”

With that, after handing over some medical supplies to Kakashi, the teams reorganized and dispatched, leaving only Naruto and Kakashi. And now Naruto was disrobing, slipping into the rivers nearby.

Kakashi couldn’t say what compelled him, but it wasn’t long before Naruto—Naruto now, not Frog, just a blond jinchuuriki exposed in the open—turned around, shocked to find a completely naked Kakashi in the river with him. He lost his footing, and Kakashi slipped a strong arm under Naruto’s to steady him.

Naruto looked up at Kakashi, his expression still open, still confused. It was, he had to admit to himself, strangely pleasant (pleasurable even) to wrest such an expression out of the young man.

Kakashi gently took his available hand to Naruto’s bandaged hip. He pressed his thumb in lightly where he knew the raw, newly cauterized flesh was, causing Naruto to wince.

“Not so fun now, is it,” he scolded softly, but pressed his thumb in harder. A groan slipped from the blond’s lips now, clearly audible over the slow babble of the water. “Not all pain is worth feeling, Naruto.”

Their eyes met again, and sharp tears had formed a brim along a dark blue gaze.

“You’re covered in blood,” Kakashi stated simply. Sure enough, blotches of dark red stained his hair and blotted his whiskers on his face. He bent his legs and gripped onto Naruto tightly as he lowered them downwards.

Naruto gasped when Kakashi leaned forward and licked a trail of blood along his chin up to his mouth—also catching some of Naruto’s tears as they fell—but he didn’t refuse when Kakashi captured his lips for a kiss before they were completely submerged.

Yamato left a note in a gnarled, odd-looking tree near the village halfway between the border of Fire Country saying that things were progressing smoothly and if they needed to take their time on return, they did not seem to need any reinforcements with escorting the children. Kakashi looked over at his traveling partner— Naruto had been quiet all day, his hand sometimes drifting to the bandages wrapped around his stomach. They had burned his uniform and Kakashi had pilfered some civilian clothes from the clothesline of an unfortunate family; he did his best to commit to memory the location so Konoha could send reimbursements when he returned. The former jounin captain scanned over his partner. Both pants and shirt stretched a bit tight over Naruto’s broad frame. He hadn’t noticed in the dark, but somehow he had snagged a bright orange sweater, a color he had long associated with Uzumaki Naruto, from the moment he first laid eyes on his genin team that fateful day at the Academy.

So much had changed since then, and it felt difficult to reconcile this silent man with a Naruto who refused to shut up almost a decade earlier.

“Mm…Naruto?”

The blond had clearly been lost in thought, but Kakashi was grateful that the expression on Naruto’s face was open, curious. Nothing orchestrated. Just Naruto. “Yeah, Kakashi-sensei?”

“Let’s stay in an inn tonight.”

A golden eyebrow raised, perplexed. “We don’t have to catch up to the escort?”

The jounin shook his head. “We’re not needed today. Shall we get ramen? It won’t be Ichiraku, but I’m sure we can manage.”

Before he could think about it, a wry smile crept across Naruto’s face. He sighed loudly. “Ah, I can’t remember the last time I had ramen—I’ve been working too much! Baa-chan’s gonna run me into the ground at this rate, heh.”

“I’ll want to soak in a hot sauna for a while tonight, after fishing you out of that freezing river last night.”

“Hey! No one asked you to join me last night,” the injured man grumbled. “I could have managed on my own.”

“No one asked you to injure yourself so stupidly or for your ass to look so good in the firelight and yet here we are.” It was meant to just be a gentle tease, but Kakashi realized as the blush bloomed across Naruto’s face that there was a sudden warmth underneath his own mask. He coughed. “Anyway, you needed my hel—”

Naruto, like a shark detecting blood in the water, immediately took on a different expression. “So you like the way my ass looks, sensei?” he leered, suddenly occupying Kakashi’s personal space as they continued walking on the footpath down the hill towards the village, which was lightly dusted with snow.

Kakashi tried to ignore the visible puffs of air in his face as Naruto chuckled obscenely and kept walking. His heart pounded loudly in his ears.

“Sense~i, just tell me you think I’m sexy.”

“Keep this up and I’ll elbow your wound and make you suffer, Na-ru-to-chan~”

The blond only continued to laugh. Kakashi looked over at his traveling companion and his shoulders softened at seeing whiskers scrunched up in joy.

The rest of the afternoon and evening went just as well, and it was clear that it had been a long time since either Kakashi or Naruto had been able to properly take a day off. Both men had tacitly committed to not speaking about work, no questions about Tsunade or the transition process to become Rokudaime, no psychological evaluations and little mention of the night prior. Naruto clearly enjoyed his bowl of ramen, slurping and sighing loudly as Kakashi observed with a reverent gaze. They went for a short walk around the gardens of the inn, and slowly watched as the stars came into view, twinkling one by one, before finally making their way to the hot springs.

Kakashi relished the warm water as he slipped in, how it seemed to seep into every muscle and immediately relaxed the weeks of stiffness that had pooled in his aching bones. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the support stones, letting his head drop entirely. If he wasn’t careful, he could have fallen asleep right then and there.

He heard the ripple of water as another body joined him in the hot springs. He didn’t open his eyes, but rather listened as his companion settled in across the bath. They had spoken very little for most of the day, save for some light conversation at dinner, but overall it felt…comfortable. Kakashi could feel Naruto’s soft gaze on him, but continued to enjoy the warm water.

“Ne, Kakashi…sensei?”

“You can drop the sensei if you’d like, Naruto. I don’t mind either way.”

Naruto cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about last night.”

At this point, the silver-haired man finally squinted out of one eye to make eye contact with blue ones. “What is there to be sorry about?”

“For how I spoke to you. Joking around like that when you must have been worried. I didn’t... feel like myself, I guess. Or maybe that _ is _ me, but I don’t know if I like that me very much. I used to not think so much about losing control of my emotions, before ANBU. They never seemed like a liability. I always felt like I could get the right thing done.”

The older man rolled his shoulders and positioned himself more comfortably, closing his eyes again, saying nothing.

“I guess I didn’t expect to feel as much as I do when I’m on missions in ANBU though. Or to feel nothing at all. I didn’t expect to fail. Or that even a successful ANBU mission never feels like much of a victory.” 

The jinchuuriki continued. “You know, when I was younger, they said those who come and go from the village without eating were ANBU. A younger me would have laughed at the idea. As if I’d go through missions without eating Teuchi-san’s ramen!”

Silence lingered for a moment between them. After a while, Kakashi opened his eyes again. Naruto’s head was tilted as he was looking up at the stars above them. His voice was shaky, crackling in his throat.

“I’m afraid to stop now. To be honest, it’s a relief to have Baa-chan hand me another scroll as soon as I’ve put the paperwork on her desk. I’m…afraid, to leave any part of myself, anything more than my shadow in Konoha.”

Kakashi found himself nodding before he realized it properly. He sighed loudly. “Maa, Naruto-kun, how lucky you are.”

He could hear broad blond eyebrows rise in curiosity.

“To put words to that feeling so early. It takes most much longer. And some of us never do.”

“Which one are you, Kakashi?”

The jounin chuckled lightly. A cool breeze ruffled his hair and swept past his exposed arms, making the heat of the springs that much more noticeable. “You know me, Naruto; I’m always late to the party.”

They fell silent again.

“This world…it’s pretty fucked up, huh.”

Kakashi ‘hm’ed lightly and kept his eyes closed.

Kakashi couldn’t place a feeling to the way his heart skipped that night when they had laid out their futons to go to bed, and suddenly Naruto was on all fours, right in Kakashi’s face.

“Sensei…” he breathed softly.

“Yes, Naruto?” He couldn’t tell you why he felt so hesitant, so damn  _ shy _ . What was different this time from all the others?

“Can I…?”

The silver-haired man’s nod was hardly perceptible, but Naruto cautiously leaned forward to gently press their lips together. His heart wasn’t skipping anymore, it was practically sprinting out of its place in his chest, the thudding so loud between his ears. This felt. Different.

“Do you mind, sensei?” Naruto murmured against his cheek as he hooked one leg across Kakashi’s to straddle him, his hands on the older man’s shoulders as Kakashi sat up to close the distance between them. The blond was practically spilling out of the forest green yukata the inn had provided them, his shoulders and most of his chest bare and creamy, save for the mess of clean bandages around his lower torso. He continued to press fluttery kisses along Kakashi’s cheek and jawline.

“Mind what?” He hadn’t missed the shift back into using ‘sensei.’ It made him a little nervous, but he couldn’t stop kissing the man on top of him, his deft fingers pinching a pale nipple lightly, rolling it like a pebble in the river. Naruto’s hard length was evident, pressed right up against Kakashi’s stomach and the jounin’s free hand ran a thumb up and down the bulge through the underwear, delighting in how the Savior of the World shivered at his touch.

“A monster like me.”

Admittedly, it took a lot of Kakashi not to freeze right then and there, immersed in the memories of the man he saw the night before, bathed in the blood of countless enemies. But in the back of his thoughts, he heard the older memories— of civilians and childish shinobi calling a quiet toddler with mussed blond hair a monster. He remembered the first time Naruto was uncontrollable and inconsolable, giving in to a rage that opened a path for Kurama’s power. He thought of Naruto in the snowy moonlight, his blue eyes so dark and translucent they almost looked like obsidian.

His hands peeled off the rest of the yukata and loosened the obi so he had clearer access to the blond’s exquisite body. Kakashi’s fingertips dragged from nipples down to Naruto’s hip bone, then circled the hip to grab a firm handful of a toned ass. He pressed a soft, fervent kiss to the collarbone. Then he slightly lifted his head, and sunk his teeth right into the nape of the other man’s neck where it met the shoulder. Naruto found himself caught somewhere between a sharp yelp and a dragged out moan as his hands instinctively clutched onto Kakashi’s pinstriped yukata, driving them even closer together. Kakashi’s own cock was thick and hard underneath this sumptuous blond in his lap, swelling with desperation.

“Ah! -ka, -Kakashi-sensei!”

“Show the man formerly known as Wolf of ANBU a monster, and then I’ll let you know if I mind or not.”

Something like laughter escaped Naruto’s mouth. Mirthful, delirious. Crazed.

“Kakashi.” The blonde looked down at the silver-haired man, his gaze suddenly severe. His tone was direct. “I’m going to fuck you.”

With that he shoved the older man down onto the bedding and the tatami flooring. His hands peeled apart Kakashi’s yukata, the tips of his fingers skimming the trail of barely-present silver hair peeking from the top of his underwear. Naruto defly slid off his underwear, and Kakashi helpfully lifted his legs so they could be properly done away with. Kakashi’s penis emerged from hiding, mostly erect, and Naruto held its heft in both hands admiringly for a moment. “I like your dick, Kakashi,” he said simply before leaning down on Kakashi’s body to reach for his bag on the tatami.

With Naruto’s nipples right over his face, Kakashi took the moment to lick a large, wet circle around one before taking it entirely in his mouth, sucking hard. Naruto half-giggled, half-yelped. Kakashi could hear the distinct pop of a lid being pushed open. Too soon, he thought, as that delicious nipple was wrested from his mouth and the blond lowered himself farther down Kakashi’s legs and sat more on his heels. A cool wetness met the length of his cock as Naruto wrapped his hands around it again, this time both covered in lubricant. Naruto took his time covering it from tip to base, applying the slightest of additional pressure when his hands moved back up and foreskin-covered tip again.

He then reached over again for the bottle of lube, and held it in front of Kakashi’s face. “Do me the honor?” he asked coyly.

Something about his expression left Kakashi breathless. But he swallowed and put two fingers out. Naruto dropped a dollop of sticky lube onto the tips and then moved off Kakashi onto the bedding. He leaned back on his hands, spreading his creamy thighs wide. The impish look on his face indicated that he was fully aware of how he looked in the candlelight, his beautiful asshole ready for the taking. Kakashi snuck in a deep kiss as he massaged his fingers over the wrinkles of Naruto’s anus, coating it evenly before slipping both fingers in. Naruto gave easily under his touch, humming with pleasure as the jounin found his prostate and began to simultaneously thrust and spread his hole wider. It wasn’t long before Naruto, his skin starting to gather a light sheen of sweat, gestured to the wall for Kakashi to lean against it. He climbed on top of him again, gathered Kakashi’s cock in one hand, and slowly lowered himself onto his tip, which was desperately leaking precum in anticipation for a while now.

Naruto slid himself down Kakashi’s sopping wet cock with a slow yet deliberate ease. The jounin could hardly believe his eyes, for the first time since he lost it missing the Sharingan, wanting to hold onto this vision of skin and sweat before him. He could feel every one of the other man’s taut muscles wrapped around him. The tightness of Naruto’s sweet asshole wrapped around his dick. The soft pressure as he came up against his prostate, and how Naruto’s whole body shuddered at the contact. He could already envision his creamy cum seeping out of that hole, dripping down the side of those perfect thighs. Kakashi groaned as if in pain. But there was no pain, only a delicious pleasure tingling through his entire body as Naruto gradually increased his speed. He could hear his own sounds now, rough grunts intermingling with the other man’s own starved mewls and incoherent babbling.

“Fuck, Kakashi…” Naruto hissed, increasing his speed even more, bobbing up and down Kakashi’s length, “you feel so good inside me. I’m gonna fucking make us cum—” While one hand steadied itself on Kakashi’s scarred chest so he could rock back and forth, the other hand wrapped around his cock. Kakashi’s hand reached out at the same time, claiming his own right to space along that swollen member, his thumb delighting in the precum as he spread it across the mushroom-shaped top of the man’s penis. Naruto moaned, louder now, and grinded his hips hard, burying Kakashi’s dick to the very hilt.

Kakashi wouldn’t say he had ever _ disliked _ sex— all those years of reckless rendevouz in ANBU had given him a point of release he appreciated. But it would be accurate to say he had spent all this time fairly agnostic about the whole experience; he wouldn’t be the first person to advocate for a round of sexual pleasure but he appreciated how it served a purpose. He never considered himself a man of worship.

Until now.

He never took his eyes off of Naruto, whose own sea-blue eyes were half-lidded in pleasure as he fucked them both to oblivion. The jinchuuriki looked otherworldly above him, his skin bright with that thick sheen of sweat in the candlelight, his noises inhuman and desperate. Kakashi’s hands gripped onto muscled thighs tightly, as if doing so would prevent the man on top of him from shapeshifting into something even more unknowable.

“Naruto…” he murmured, and he knew the name left his mouth in pure veneration, a broken prayer.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck  _ yes _ Kakashi!”

By the time Kakashi felt thick hot semen on his stomach and the tight, expansive release of his own climax filling Naruto, it was too late. He had started to notice it out of the corner of his eye, in the hazey abyss of Naruto trying to ride him to the gates of hell and back, but it was clear now in the afterglow—

On Naruto’s stomach, darkness blooming outward on the thick layer of bandages.

As he caught his breath, Kakashi could only chuckle darkly. In a moment, he would scold Naruto for opening his wound with such abandon. In a moment, he would have to hold Naruto’s mixed expression of shame, defiance, and delight as he looked down at the blossoming of blood on his body and back at the man he just brought to keen orgasm. He would clean up and go downstairs to ask the innkeeper for any first aid materials they would have, and he would return to unwrap Naruto and do his best to redo the stitches, hoping the remaining cauterization had held.

But for now, for this brief moment, he would just look over at his companion, trembling alongside him and indulge in a shared smile, full of a careful and steady affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhhh somehow this took a while and ended up being a bit indulgent? I was going to lose my mind if I spent any more time on this chapter though, so here it is. I wasn't expecting so much time spent on Kakashi and Naruto here but it seemed fitting and necessary to debrief this section. 
> 
> I hope you find the light and the dark in this chapter, as Naruto and Kakashi both shift between the two. I really do see this story as a coming of age story for Naruto seen through Kakashi's eyes, so I'm still anticipating that I'll be wrapping up this story fairly soon! I keep thinking it'll be the next chapter for the final one but yet here we are lol. But some other ideas within the same universe are creeping up in my head, so perhaps there will be a sequel? We'll see.
> 
> As always, I truly value every kudos, bookmark, and comment! The comments in particular mean a lot and help to shape future work, so please, if you have the time and spoons it means a lot! 
> 
> Sending all my love to you. Thank you for reading.


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